


When the Dead Come Calling

by pupeez4eva



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Ghosts, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-06 21:53:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14656968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pupeez4eva/pseuds/pupeez4eva
Summary: After the accident on Christmas, Robert wakes up to find himself being stalked by various dead people.





	1. Ghosts Aren't Real

The first time he saw her was right after he’d woken up in hospital. There’d been doctors checking him over, and he’d been disoriented and in pain, so when he’d seen a flicker in the corner and turned his head as much as he could to see her standing there, he’d brushed it off as a side effect of being hit by a car. It was hardly the strangest thing that had happened to him, what with that weird, terrifying dream (the thought of Aaron’s grave still sent a chill down his spine) still vivid in his mind.

 

The second time he saw her, it was a bit harder to explain away. Aaron had just left, and Robert’s heart had just shattered for about the millionth time — and no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that this was for the best, that he was fine as long as Aaron was happy, whether it was with him or with… _Alex_ — it didn’t stop his heart from twisting every time he thought of him.

 

He was staring at the doorway, feeling miserable, when he heard a women whisper, _“Oh son…”_

 

He stiffened and turned his head.

 

He screamed.

 

A nurse came running inside, looking panicked, asking him what was wrong, but Robert was too busy staring, eyes with with shock and disbelief, at the sight of his mum.

 

Sarah looked just as surprised, her eyes wide, and her lips parted slightly. It took Robert a moment to realise that the nurse was still trying to get his attention, her voice full of concern.

 

“I’m fine,” he managed to choke. “Just — go. Please. I had ba dream, that’s all.” 

 

She hesitated, and he fought the urge to either scream at her and demand that she leave, or beg her to call a doctor and let him have some tests done, because there was obviously something very wrong with him.

 

“Just call us if you need anything,” she said, still sounding unsure, before leaving the room. Probably new to the job, he vaguely thought; after all the time he’d spent in hospital after being shot, he’d gotten good at separating the experienced nurses from the less-experienced ones.

 

Robert took a deep, shuddering breath, and turned back to where his mum had been standing. Sarah was still there, watching him, and he wasn’t sure whether to cry or scream.

 

 _‘I’m going insane,’_ he thought. _‘Oh maybe I’m still dreaming. Maybe I’ll see Aaron’s grave again…oh God, not that, anything but that.’_

 

“You can see me,” Sarah said, awe in her voice. Robert felt his fear fade, because how could be possibly feel _scared_ when his mum was here, and she sounded like that? “I’ve been watching you for some time…Victoria and Andy too. I never thought you’d actually be able to see me.” 

 

God, she sounded just like he remembered. Robert felt his eyes string and a lump formed in his throat. He probably had some form of brain damage. He should probably speak a doctor, tell them that his dead mother was talking to him, because there was obviously something very wrong with this situation.

 

But Mum was here…she was _here,_ after so long, and she looked just like he remembered, sounded just like he remembered, and after feeling alone for such a long time, Robert didn’t think he was ready to let go of that just yet.

 

…

 

He didn’t end up telling anyone, despite being aware that it was probably a bad idea to hide this. For the past few days he’d seen a lot of Sarah. They’d talk, laugh, and Robert would tell her about everything she’d missed, even though she apparently knew about all of it already (she’d been alternating between hanging around him, Vic and Andy since her death, after all). It made him slightly sick to think that she’d seen all the things he had done _(Max_ , _Katie_ , _Aaron…)_ , but she still looked at him with kind, loving eyes, and made him feel safe and loved in that special way only she could. 

 

Still though — hallucinations of any form were _not_ a good thing, especially ones that started right after you'd been in a major accident. Keeping this a secret, no matter how much he wanted his mum around, was probably a very bad idea.

 

Then again, Robert was an expert at royally fucking up his life, so what was one more mistake? 

 

He was acutely aware that speaking to Sarah while anyone else was around wouldn’t be the best idea — maybe he was okay with being insane, but he didn’t think everyone else would be as accepting of him speaking to empty air (it had quickly become apparent that he was the only one who could see Sarah).

 

He was still staying at Vic’s, but she’d finally stopped hovering and had returned to work, which gave him plenty of time to spend with his mum.

 

They spoke about a lot of things. The good times, the bad times, the mistakes he’d made, the things he’d done right. They spoke about Aaron, and how much Robert regretted hurting him, and how much he missed him. How he was determined to be a good mate to him, no matter how much it would hurt. They spoke about Seb, and Robert’s desire to be a part of his son’s life, and to be the best father he could be. Convincing Lawrence to give Seb his present had been a step in the right direction, but Robert still had a long way to go before Rebecca would let him be a part of Seb’s life, and he was determined to prove himself.

 

They didn’t speak about Jack. Robert had no desire to bring up the topic of his father, even though he was sure Sarah knew all about it. Things were fine as they were — maybe they couldn’t go on like this forever, but Robert was in no hurry for this to end.

 

…

 

Apparently Sarah wasn’t the only one.

 

If Robert had to guess which dead person would stalk him next, he would have put his money on Val (that dream had to mean something, right?), or maybe Jack, ready to tell him what a disappointment he was.

 

He sure as hell wasn’t expecting it to be some strange, scraggy-looking old man. The novelty of the whole experience wore off a bit when he woke up to see him peering at him from the side of his bed.

 

Robert jerked up and pushed himself away, his back hitting the wall. “Who the hell are you?!” 

 

The old man ignored his question and continued to stare at him thoughtfully. “You know, I never did understand the whole gay thing…”

 

_“What?!”_

 

“Ha!” the man exclaimed, grinning. Robert noticed that there was something familiar about him, but he couldn’t think of what it was. “They were right. I heard you could see us now, but I wasn’t really sure…”

 

“Who _are_ you?” Robert demanded. He reached out, fumbling around on the night stand for his phone, his eyes still glued to the man. There was no _way_ he was taking his eyes off this lunatic for a second. His mind briefly went to Vic, sleeping in the other room, and he felt a stab of fear. “I’m calling the police.” 

 

The man didn’t seemed to have heard him, and was still talking loudly to himself. “Still…I coulda been a better granddad to him, I guess. You know I talk that lad to play poker?” After a brief pause he added, “Back when he were still straight.”

 

Robert lowered his phone, and stared at him. He was struck by that sense of familiarity again, and it took him a moment to realise where he’d seen him before. 

 

 _Shadrach Dingle_ his mind supplied, remembering seeing him around the village a number of times throughout his teens, back when the Dingles had been nothing more than a bunch of useless thugs in his eyes, and not a group of people who he desperately wanted to call his family once again.

 

“You’re talking about Aaron?” he asked slowly.

 

Shadrach snorted. “You don’t even remember your own ex? God knows Faith and I had some rows, but I never forgot the old cow — couldn’t if I wanted to, what with the way she’d go about yelling my ear off…”

 

Robert wasn’t sure what to say. He _was_ very confused, that was one thing he was certain of. Hallucinating Sarah…he understood that. She was his mum, and if he was going to have hallucinations of anyone, it’d be her. But _Shadrach Dingle?_ There were _a lot_ of people he would’ve picked before him.

 

Not to mention that he barely remembered the old man, and here he was, standing in front of him as if he’d just stepped out of his grave, fully intact and ready to go back to living whatever life he’d had.

 

“Look — ” Robert realised that Shadrach was still speaking, “ — tell Aaron I’m sorry for giving him such a hard time before I went, alright? And tell Chas that…well, she’s a good girl, and she’s done well for herself, hasn’t she? Oh and Zak, tell him he’s an idiot for leaving Lisa for that other lass, but it’s good that he’s come to his senses…oh and Faith, of course she had to come back after I’d left the picture…well you can tell her — ”

 

“You…realise I won’t be telling any of them any of this, right?” Robert said, cutting him off.

 

Shadrach stopped abruptly and glared at him. “Well what good are you then, huh?!”

 

He vanished.

 

 _‘Thank god,’_ Robert thought, and wondered if now would be a good time to speak to a doctor.

 

…

 

He went for a check-up, but couldn’t bring himself to say the word ‘hallucinations’. Instead he told the doctor that he’d been having severe migraines since his accident. Maybe it was a lie, but his doctor did send him for a bunch of tests, which was just what he wanted.

 

 _‘You should tell him you’re seeing dead people,’_ he thought as he walked out of the doctor’s consulting room, and then brushed this off. He’d deal with that later on. At least this would give him some indication of whether or not something was wrong with him.

 

He stopped by the cafe on his way home to grab a coffee, and spotted Aaron sitting nearby from the corner of his eye. He stiffened slightly. The last time he’d seen Aaron had been at the hospital, and the memory of that visit still left a heavy feeling in his gut. The thought of being around him hurt, but not being around him was just as painful.

 

So basically, he was fucked either way, so he might as well pick the option that let him be in close proximity to Aaron. Besides, they were trying out this new mates thing, and Robert was pretty sure he had a long way to go before he reached ‘best mate’ status like he’d promised.

 

“Hey,” Robert said, sliding in next to Aaron, coffee in hand. “How are you?” 

 

Aaron glanced up from his phone and, after a brief moment, smiled at him. There didn’t seem to be any hostility there, and Robert felt himself relax slightly,

 

“Hey,” Aaron said, setting his phone down on the table. “How are you feeling?”

 

Robert shrugged. “Alright.” He decided to leave out any mention of his recent doctor’s visit. “Alex not here?”

 

He was definitely going to work hard at this mates thing…but that didn’t quite mean he was ready to be _Alex’s_ mate. If the good doctor was coming, then Robert was going to get the hell out of here.

 

“He’s at work,” Aaron said. He seemed uncomfortable talking about Alex around Robert, which was fine with Robert, since he felt the exact same way. He hesitated, and then asked, “You’re _sure_ you’re okay?”

 

“Fine,” Robert said quickly. Aaron looked like he wanted to say more, but a moment passed and he remained silent. Robert tried to think of something to say, but the silence seemed to stretch on between them, and he couldn’t help but think, _‘It didn’t use to be like this.’_ Maybe it was wishful thinking, the two of them being mates. Maybe he should stop trying to grab for whatever scraps he could find.

 

But that would mean letting go of Aaron for good, and he didn’t think he’d ever be able to do that. He tried to think of something to say, but lately his mind had been preoccupied with trying to be a part of his son’s life, and being stalked by a bunch of dead people, and he didn’t think Aaron wanted to hear about any of those. 

 

He took a sip of his coffee, set the cup back on the table, glanced back at Aaron, and caught sight of Val’s smirking face.

 

He screamed and dropped his cup. 

 

“Robert?!” Aaron cried in alarm, while everyone else in the room turned to stare at him.

 

Robert’s mouth opened and closed wordlessly. His eyes remained glued to the where Val was standing right behind Aaron.

 

“I’m fine,” he managed to force out. 

 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Val said dryly. 

 

_‘Oh God.’_

 

“God Robert, what happened?” Aaron demanded, shoving some napkins in his direction. Robert stared at them blankly, and Aaron gestured at the floor. “You’ve spilt your drink everywhere.” 

 

“Oh — right.” He reached out to take them, feeling slightly numb. 

 

 _‘Come on, control yourself,’_ he thought. This wasn’t anything new. He’d been speaking to his mother since before he’d left the hospital, he’d seen Aaron’s dead grandfather - so what if Val was here now. He could handle that.

 

“I…thought I saw a spider,” he said, when it was obvious that Aaron wouldn’t be letting this go.

 

Aaron looked incredulous. “Robert, you aren’t even scared of spiders.” 

 

“Well no but…I’ve been a bit out of sorts since the accident.” He shrugged. Seeing Aaron’s concerned expression, he quickly added, “I’m just a bit sore. I got checked out again, and everything was fine.”

 

Not exactly true, but Aaron didn’t need to worry about this (although it _was_ nice to know that he still cared).

 

“Right.” Aaron still looked unconvinced. “But — you’re fine, right?” 

 

“Right,” Robert said. He fished around, trying to find some way to change the topic. What came out was, “Did your grandfather teach you to play poker?” 

 

Aaron stared. Robert mentally cursed himself.

 

“What?” 

 

“I don’t know…I think you mentioned it once?” He reached for his coffee cup, desperate for something to do, and then realised that it was on the floor. Dammit.

 

“Did I?” Aaron looked surprised. “He did, yeah, back when I was a kid.” 

 

Robert nodded his head, trying to keep his expression neutral. 

 

_‘You never told me that. Never even spoke about your granddad. What the fuck is happening?’_

 

“How’d he take it?” he asked. “When you came out,” he elaborated, after seeing Aaron’s confused expression. 

 

“Robert, what’s going on?” Aaron demanded.

 

“Nothing,” he said quickly. He thought for a moment. “I’ve just been thinking a bit about my dad, I guess.” 

 

“Which led to you asking about my granddad?” Robert shrugged. Aaron stared at him for a moment longer, and Robert honestly didn’t think he was going to answer. Probably thought he was a complete nut job. Brilliant. 

 

Another moment passed before Aaron shrugged and said, “He didn’t like it. Pissed me off at the time, but — I don’t know. I don’t really think about him much.”

 

Robert nodded. “Right.” 

 

“You aren’t hallucinating,” Val said, grinning. “You’ve just acquired a bunch of dead roommates, and you aren’t getting rid of us anytime soon.”

 

Robert stood up abruptly. “Right, well, this was nice. We should do this again soon.” The words tumbled out his mouth, while Aaron stared at him, looking incredulous. “I’m just going to — ” He gestured at the door. “See you later.”

 

“Robert!” Aaron called after him, sounding a mixture of confused and incredulous. “What’s going _on?”_

 

“I told Vic I’d help her move some furniture,” he called back, since it was the first thing that came to mind. 

Aaron looked even more confused. Val roared with laughter, obviously loving this.

 

Oh god, he really needed to get away from here.

 

“Bye!” He walked out of the cafe — aware that a number of people were still staring at him — and hurried down the street. 

 

 _‘Oh my god,’_ he thought, _‘it’s actually happening. I’m going crazy.’_

 

_…_

 

Sarah found him curled up on Vic’s couch, staring blankly at the wall.

 

“Sweetheart?” she asked, her brow furrowed in concern.

 

“You’re not really here,” he said without looking at her. “Shadrach, Val…I’ve gone mad.”

 

 _“Shadrach Dingle_ came to visit you?” Sarah asked, sounding annoyed. “God, I told a few people that you could actually see me, and now everyone’s flocking around…Gennie must have said something to him — she's just lovely, the two of us really hit it off.”

 

“Yes, but you’re not _actually_ here,” Robert turned to her. She cocked her head to the side slightly, still looking every bit like his mum, right down to her expressions and mannerisms. “I tried to ignore the problem because I didn’t want to lose you, but — there’s obviously something very wrong with me.”

 

“Robert,” Sarah said, sitting down beside him, “this is real. I promise you.” 

 

“No.” He shook his head. “Ghosts aren’t real.”

 

“So you’re hallucinating,” Sarah said, raising an eyebrow. “Me, well the reason’s obvious. Val I can understand. But _Shadrach?”_

 

Robert shrugged hopelessly. She had a point — Shadrach had told him things that he shouldn’t have known. But then, it could have just been a coincidence. Was it really a stretch to think that old, drunk Shadrach Dingle hadn’t been the most open-minded of blokes? And so he’d taught Aaron to play poker — so what? Grandparents did things with their grandkids all the time. Or maybe Aaron had even mentioned it at some point, and he’d just forgotten.

 

Except he really didn’t think that was the case — but what was the alternative? He was being followed around by a bunch of _ghosts?_

 

When Vic walked in a while later, she found him sitting on the sofa, still staring at the wall. Sarah had long since left, wanting to give him some space.

 

“Rob?” Vic asked, concerned. “I saw Aaron just before — he asked me to check on you. Said you’d been acting strange.” She frowned slightly. “He also thought you were helping me move furniture. So…I really don’t know what’s going on. Should I be worried?” 

 

_‘Vic. I’ve spent the last few days speaking to our dead mother, our dead step-aunt, and my dead ex-grandfather-in-law. I think I’m losing my mind so — yes. You should be very worried.”_

 

He shook his head, and gave her the most reassuring smile he could muster. “I’m fine. I just had to get away — it’s still a bit hard being around Aaron, you know?” 

 

Vic’s expression morphed into one of sympathy and understanding, and Robert felt a stab of guilt.

 

“And I’ve just had a lot on my mind — with trying to convince Rebecca to let me see Seb and everything. That’s all. I’m fine, I promise.”

 

Vic bobbed her head quickly, seeming relieved to have something solid to latch onto. “Oh Robert, we can fix this. I’m sure we can find a way to convince Rebecca to let you see Seb, and then…” 

 

Robert relaxed slightly, convinced that he had shifted his sister’s attention for the time being. He didn’t know what was going on, and he wasn’t sure how to fix it, but he knew that what he _didn’t_ want was anyone finding out about this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is such a random idea…and surprisingly a lot more serious that I initially intended for it to be haha. It was supposed to be a crack fic xD And it wasn’t supposed to be a chaptered fic, but this ended up being a lot longer than I intended for it to be. Anyway, it’ll probably end up being around 3-4 chapters long. Hope you enjoyed this, and tell me what you think (also, I’ve never actually seen Sarah Sudgen on the show, since I haven’t seen any of Robert’s storyline before 2014, so my portrayal of her is completely based on what I’ve read in fics. Hopefully I didn’t completely butcher it haha).


	2. Conversations With the Dead

All of his tests came back clear. As far as anyone could tell, there was nothing wrong with him. No brain damage, no internal injuries, no sudden brain tumours that had only become apparent after the crash.

 

He should have been relieved. It only left him even more confused because he was _still seeing dead people._

 

…

 

“You know, I stopped by Aaron and your wedding - thought you made a lovely couple.” 

 

Robert nodded his head in an almost resigned gesture. His latest ghostly stalker - Gennie, who was apparently Aaron’s aunt — seemed to have missed his obvious desire to be left alone. That or she’d blatantly ignored it, just like everyone else seemed to be doing lately. She _was_ Chas’s sister after all.

 

“I just thought I’d stop by and say hello,” she said, sitting on the desk across from him, her legs swinging back and forth. Robert just hoped she left before Jimmy came back, because he’d soon come to realise that ignoring these people was _hard,_ and he didn’t particularly want to explain any strange behaviour. He’d thought jumping straight back into work would do him some good (even if he was still quite sore from the accident) but he was starting to wonder if that was a mistake. 

 

“I’ve mostly been with Nikhil and Molly,” Gennie said, and Robert glanced back at her. He’d missed most of what she’d been saying before, too lost in his own thoughts. “I just stopped here to see how the family’s been doing, and Sarah did mention that you could see us now, so I thought I’d just say hello. Meet Aaron’s husband officially.” She laughed.

 

Robert didn’t. “We broke up.”

 

Gennie’s smile faded. “What? Already? But you made such a cute couple!” Yes, and Robert agreed. Apparently being a ‘cute couple’ hadn’t stopped him from screwing everything up though. “Was it because Chas or Paddy, because I know they didn’t like you much, but I think Chas was warming up to you towards the end…she’s usually bit like that at the start. You should have seen the way she was when I first showed up — ”

 

“I messed up,” he said, hoping it’d shut her up. The door opened a moment later and Jimmy bustled inside, holding a stack of papers. 

 

“Alright?” Jimmy asked.

 

Robert glanced back at the desk, and saw that Gennie was gone. He bit back a sigh of relief. “Yeah, fine.”

 

…

 

He wasn’t sure if he’d ever get used to this. He’d see them sometimes, loitering around on the streets. Some familiar faces that he knew were long gone, some from people he’d never seen before, but who were obviously dead (a car driving straight through one old man had made that pretty obvious).

 

He was still fairly certain he was going insane, but part of him was starting to consider other possibilities. After all, he couldn’t fathom _why_ he’d be seeing these people. Sarah he could understand, even Val, but Shadrach, Gennie, or any of the others made no sense at all. He saw Edna Birch hanging around a street corner the day before — her eyes had widened slightly when she’d caught him looking at her, and she’d given him a quick wave. Robert had hurried away.

 

The only good thing about this theory — other than the fact that it meant he wasn’t losing his mind — was that it would mean that Sarah was really here. The thought that he’d actually been speaking to his mum — that she still loved him, even after everything he’d done — made all of this worth it.

 

He saw Aaron again earlier that day, and he’d asked him how he was doing. Aaron had been looking at Robert with a sort of wary concern, and Robert realised that he hadn’t forgotten his strange behaviour at the cafe. 

 

“Fine,” Robert said, while someone — Val, he was pretty sure, but he didn’t bother to look — shouted, “Just kiss him already, for godsake!”

 

Aaron didn’t react, so Robert decided that the speaker was definitely dead. So yeah, it was probably Val.

 

…

 

There was a slight break from all the madness. They weren’t _gone_ — he still saw them scattered here and there, but no one approached him directly, and it was easy to ignore the one’s that didn’t. Sarah still hung around, and Robert sure as hell wasn’t going to complain about that. If he could find some way to get rid of all the others but keep his mum with him, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

 

He should have known the silence wouldn’t last. It’d been just after all the drama with Adam, and after he’d agreed to help Cain and Aaron with their plan to get Adam out of the country. Vic was still upset, and Robert had told his sister to go upstairs and have a nap. He’d made her a cup of tea and took it to her room, and when he’d come back out, Finn and James Barton had been standing in his living room.

 

He wasn’t quite sure why Finn was here. He and Finn had never been particularly close, and he still hadn't forgiven him for Aaron going to prison, so he wasn’t quite sure what he was doing there.

 

He was even more confused by James Barton’s presence, but he decided to just go with it. It was obvious that death had destroyed any concept of personal space they once might’ve had, and Robert wasn’t too eager to explain it to them.

 

Finn started speaking, and Robert blocked him out for the most part, and continued to scroll through his laptop. He threw in a few nods here and there to make it look like he was listening, but he’d always found Finn quite dull when he was alive, so he didn’t want to think about what months of only speaking to other dead people had done to him.

 

From the sound of it, Finn just wanted to pass on a few messages to Vic. Well, he had no intention of doing that — God knows what Vic would think if he showed up saying that he’d just been talking to Finn — so his lack of attention was just fine.

 

“ — and just let her know. Well obviously, you can’t just tell her that I asked but, er — Robert? You’re listening, right?” 

 

“Hmm?” Robert glanced up from his laptop. “Oh — yeah.”

 

Finn smiled. “Thanks!”

 

“And thank you for helping Adam,” James said, speaking for the first time since he’d arrived. Robert nodded his head, not bothering to explain that he hadn’t done it for Adam, but for Aaron and Vic. 

 

(He also wondered if James knew that Adam had confessed to killing his ex-wife, but then remembered that Emma Barton had killed him. _And_ his son. Robert really wasn’t that interested in the Barton family dynamics).

 

Finn finally finished, and Robert bit back a sigh of relief, hoping that meant they were leaving. Then Val showed up, and she and Finn started up a deep discussion over something or another, and Robert decided that he needed to get the hell out.

 

…

 

“So,” Sarah said, sitting down beside him on the sofa, “you look miserable.” 

 

“I’m trying to be a good friend to Aaron,” he said flatly. “Didn’t realise how much it would suck.” 

 

Sarah watched him and her lips quirked into a sad smile. “That’s the downside of being in love, sweetheart,” she said. “It hurts when it doesn’t work out.” 

 

Robert sighed and closed his eyes, thinking back to the events from earlier that day — his conversation with Alex, seeing Aaron and Alex together at the Woolpack. Honestly, he’d been so sure he was doing the right thing suggesting those concert tickets to Alex. He was _still_ sure. In the end, he knew Aaron would love them, and that was what mattered. And he was trying to be a better person for him, and it that meant making sacrifices then…well, Robert would have to get used to it. He’d take the pain and disappointment over not having Aaron in his life.

 

That didn’t mean that this didn’t hurt though. He felt like he could feel Aaron slipping through his fingers more and more everyday, which didn’t even make sense because he’d already lost Aaron a long time ago.

 

“You did a good thing,” Sarah said, her eyes soft. Robert’s throat clenched, and he felt his eyes sting. God, he’d missed her. “Although,” she added, her eyes suddenly sparkling with mischief, “that Alex has nothing on you. I’d give it some time before Aaron realises that.”

 

Robert snorted. “Thanks Mum, but I don’t think that’ll be happening.” He glanced down at his finger, bare for the first time since he’d married Aaron, and swallowed. Sarah followed his gaze, and her lips quirked downwards.

 

“I took it off today,” he told her, avoiding her gaze. “I thought it was the right time.” 

 

“I’ve never seen two people more in love than the two of you are,” Sarah said.

 

“Were,” Robert corrected. He still loved Aaron the same as he always had, and he always would, but there was no way Aaron felt the same way about him. Not now, not after everything. He remembered how Alex and Aaron had been at the cafe, and he remembered his words to Alex — “Pretty soon, you’ll know him better than me” — and decided that he really didn’t want to think about this anymore. It felt too raw. He wondered if it would ever feel different. 

 

Sarah sighed and shifted closer to him. They couldn’t touch — his hand would simply go straight through her — but just having her here was enough. 

 

 _‘Please let this be real,’_ he thought. He didn’t think he could lose her for a second time. After everything he had lost already, he didn’t think he could take that.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I’ve decided that this is probably going to be 5 chapters long, instead of 3-4 like I’d planned.
> 
> Hope you’re enjoying this so far, and tell me what you think :)


	3. Three Visitors

He should’ve known she’d show up at some point or another. Still though, he couldn’t help but stop and stare at the sight of her, and he was sure Katie must’ve been getting some sort of pleasure from the expression of horror on his face, if her smirk was anything to go by.

 

“Geez Robert,” Katie said wryly, “you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Don’t worry, I’m not about to throw you through the floorboards or anything.” 

 

It took a few tries before he could manage a weak, “Katie.” 

 

“Guess I look better than the last time you saw me, huh?” 

 

Robert force himself to avert his gaze. He could feel his chest pounding, and all he could remember was that awful day, and the sight of Katie’s broken body, and the regrets and the nightmares that had followed. Katie, one of the numerous casualties in the mess of his life.

 

“It was an accident,” he said at last, when the silence grew unbearable. Katie continued to stare at him impassively. “I — I didn’t mean for you to fall — I didn’t…I didn’t know the floor would collapse like that — ”

 

He _hadn’t._ God, he’d never intended for that to happen. He’d been angry, and desperate, and he’d wanted to shut her up, but not like _that._ He’d never meant for anyone to get hurt. He’d never meant for anyone to _die._

 

Katie continued to watch him for a moment before letting out a loud sigh. “I know.” Robert’s head snapped up, and he stared at her in surprise. She rolled her eyes. “Look, I don’t like you — you will _never_ be my favourite person. But…I know you didn’t mean to kill me.” Her expression darkened slightly, and her eyes narrowed. “You _did_ push me though. I’d had this whole future planned out…me and Andy…and then it was over, just like that, because of you.” 

 

Robert opened his mouth but nothing came out. 

 

“I had to watch the aftermath,” Katie continued. “I watched what it did to Andy. What my death nearly drove him to…God, Robert, I can never forgive you for your part in that.” 

 

“I’m sorry,” Robert said. God, he was. He’d never regret meeting Aaron, but there were so many things he’d change about the way he’d went about things if he had the chance. “I never meant for it to happen.”

 

Katie eyed him for a moment, and then her expression softened slightly. “You _have_ changed though,” she admitted, almost reluctantly. “Never thought that was possible, but — well. I never saw a lot of things coming, I guess. You and Aaron for a start.” 

 

“I screwed that up though, didn’t I?” Robert said bitterly.

 

“We all saw _that_ coming.”

 

Robert glared.

 

Katie smirked. “What? I _did_ say you’d never be my favourite person. And I doubt I’ll ever be yours.” 

 

Robert sighed. “Will you be leaving anytime soon?” Honestly, he’d be glad when he saw the back of Katie. This whole conversation was making him feel sick — though he knew he deserved it. Katie’s death was something he would regret for the rest of his life, and he’d almost been expecting a visit from her ever since he’d realised that this ‘seeing dead people’ thing didn’t seem to be going away. He’d expected _a lot_ worse, to be honest, although that didn’t make this any easier.

 

“In a second,” Katie said. She hesitated. “Robert…look, there are things I’ll never be able to forgive you for. But…I do need to thank you for something. Andy.” 

 

Robert’s brow furrowed. “What about him?” 

 

“You helped him. You were there for him. I never would’ve expected you to go to the lengths you did to help him but…you did.”

 

“He’s my brother, Katie. I never would’ve just left him.”

 

Katie eyed him thoughtfully. “You’ve changed.”

 

“I would’ve helped him, even back then,” Robert insisted, although he wasn’t too sure. He’d been a different person back then. Aaron had changed him for the better.

 

Katie shrugged, though she didn’t look convinced. “Maybe.” 

 

“Have you seen him lately?” Robert asked.

 

Katie nodded. “I spend as much time with him as I can.” 

 

“How is he?”

 

“As well as he can be, given the circumstances.” 

 

Robert swallowed, the thought of Andy weighing heavily on him. After everything they’d been through, after all the years of anger, and fights, and disappointment, he wouldn’t have thought he’d miss his brother this much. Maybe Andy hadn’t always been a constant in his life, but he’d been a constant in this village, and the place just seemed strange without him. These days, when he thought of Andy, his mind often flashed to the last time he’d seen him — he remembered the words that were said, the hug they’d shared, and wondered if they’d ever have a chance to explore where all of that could’ve gone. Maybe, if his brother had a chance to return to the village, things could be different this time.

 

When he looked up again, Katie was gone. Maybe she’d gone back to Andy. He thought about his brother, all alone in an unfamiliar place, with his dead wife watching over him. Andy would never know she was there.

 

Yes, Robert had a lot of regrets.

 

…

 

His conversation with Katie had dredged up a lot of memories. He thought about the things he’d done, the mistakes he’d made. Sometimes when he thought back to those times, it was like looking at a stranger. 

 

He bumped into Aaron while waiting in line for a coffee at the cafe. Things were better between them, infinitely so when he thought back to where they’d been just a few months ago, but it was sad to think that his time with Aaron had been reduced to the odd bump-in in the cafe, or quick conversations when they passed each other on the street.

 

 _‘Don’t complain,’_ he thought. _‘This is better than nothing. Take what you can get.’_

 

Aaron gazed at Robert curiously, his hands in his pockets. “Not going to start screaming about spiders again, are you?” 

 

Robert groaned. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?” 

 

“Are you kidding me? Not until you tell me exactly what was going on — and trust me, I don’t believe that ‘moving furniture’ excuse for a second.”

 

Yes, they were in a _much_ better place than they had been, and Robert wasn’t going to ruin this by thinking about the place they’d been in _before_ that bad place.

 

Or at least that’s what he kept telling himself, but with his conversation with Katie still weighing heavily on his mind, he somehow found himself saying, “I made a mess of things, didn’t I? Back then and now.”

 

Aaron’s smile faded. “Robert…” he said, sounding slightly uncomfortable. “You don’t need to feel bad, okay? This is just the way things are.” He hesitated. “And yeah…you made a mess of things at the start, but you’re forgetting all the times that you were great.” 

 

_‘I’m surprised you still remember, after everything I’ve done.’_

 

Out loud, he nodded towards the line and said, “Wish this would hurry up.” 

 

He really needed to stop bringing up the past.

 

…

 

Things were going to hell.

 

Rebecca wouldn’t let him see Seb. God, he just wanted a chance to prove that he could be a good father. He _needed_ to show her that he’d changed, that he’d be reliable, that he’d love his son. He would never make his son doubt the way he felt about him. He’d never make his son feel the way his father had made him feel about himself.

 

He didn’t know how he could do that if Rebecca wouldn’t even let him _look_ at his son. 

 

Everything was falling apart. He was losing everything, and he only had himself to blame.

 

…

 

When Robert arrived back at Vic’s after work, he wasn’t _surprised_ to see another ghost sitting in her living room. They were all over the place these days, and it seemed like the more they found out about his newfound ability, the more they seemed to gather around him.

 

(He wasn’t sure when he’d stopped thinking of this as some sort of mental illness, or burst of insanity, and when he started thinking of it as being real. Maybe this was just another sign that he was losing his mind — giving in to the delusions. But that just made his head throb, and he wasn’t in the mood to deal with those thoughts). 

 

The ghost was sitting in his living room, and though Robert tried to wrack his brain to see whether he recognised him, he came up blank. He didn’t think he’d ever seen him before. 

 

“You know,” the ghost said, “when everything first kicked off between you and Aaron, I really just wanted to give you a good punch to the face.”

 

“Sorry, _who_ are you?” 

 

The ghost ignored his question and continued to speak. “You were horrible to him. No one deserved to be treated the way you treated him, _least_ of all him. What I would’ve given to be with him, to hold him, to love him — and you had all of that, and you took it for granted.”

 

Robert stared at him, his eyes widening in realisation. After that, well, there was only one person it _could’ve_ been, and he suddenly felt like _he_ was the intruder, even though they were in his sister’s living room. “Jackson.”

 

“Huh, what gave me away, my roguish good looks, or the constant mention of Aaron’s name?” Robert stared at him uncomprehendingly, and Jackson rolled his eyes. “You know, I never got it at first. What he saw in you. And then…then I _really_ didn’t get it. I’m not even joking, there’d be times when I’d just scream at Aaron, ask if he’d completely lost it.”

 

“Are you done yet?” 

 

“Not even close. I saw all of it you know? The lodge, the scrapyard — God, I could have killed you for that. Even took a swing at you and then remembered I was a ghost.”

 

Robert felt his stomach drop, and his fists clenched. He felt sick, just like he always did when he remembered the things he’d done to Aaron. He’d regret them for the rest of his life. He remembered what he’d said at the scrapyard — he didn’t think he’d ever forget those words — and remembered that he’d tried to use Jackson’s death to hurt Aaron. 

 

Yeah, he _really_ didn’t blame Jackson for taking a swing at him. Robert would’ve done the same thing in his shoes.

 

“I didn’t think anything could change my mind about you,” Jackson said. “And then…Gordon happened.” Jackson’s eyes darkened slightly when he said his name. “And you were there for him. I could see that he was slowly starting to trust you again, and it terrified me. But you didn’t disappoint him. You were there for him, again and again. You saved his life, when he was trapped in that car. Risked your own life to do it.”

 

Robert shook his head. “I never would’ve left him in there.” As if he ever could’ve saved himself and left Aaron in there to drown. Even if he’d gotten out, what life would he have lived? As cheesy as it sounded, he couldn’t imagine a world without Aaron in it. Hell, he’d take Aaron hating him over him being gone forever.

 

Jackson nodded. “Yeah, I know. Aaron has that effect on you, doesn’t he?” 

 

Robert nodded his head. It was weird, standing here and talking to Jackson of all people. This was Aaron’s first love, his first — well, everything really. Robert wondered if he should be feeling jealous, but he couldn’t bring himself to. 

 

“And then you went and hurt him again.”

 

Robert’s lips curled into a bitter smile. “And threw away the best thing in my life. Trust me, I know.”

 

Jackson sighed. “He still loves you, you know? I want to say ‘I have to idea why’ but…I guess I just gave you a whole list of reasons why.”

 

Robert shook his head. “He’s with Alex now.” 

 

“He’s still in love with you,” Jackson retorted. “An idiot could see that, let alone a ghost who…admittedly hangs around a lot. I’d say I need to get a life, but I’m dead, so I might as well use that to my advantage.”

 

Robert stared.

 

“Tough crowd.” Jackson rolled his eyes. “The point is, I don’t want to see him hurt again. But I want him to be happy. God knows he deserves it, after everything he’s been through. The thing is, Robert, I was there right at the beginning — I saw how hard it was for him. I didn’t even know the half of it until years after I died. After all that, he deserves to be happy.”

 

Robert snorted. “All I ever do is hurt him.”

 

“I wouldn’t say it’s _all_ you do.” Jackson grinned. “Besides, when does Aaron ever make things easy for himself?” His eyes narrowed slightly. “But hurt him again, and I _will_ find some way to deck you, ghost or not.”

 

…

 

“You’re quiet,” Vic noted later that day. 

 

Robert gave her a small nod, though his eyes remained fixated ahead, staring at nothing in particular. 

 

He wasn’t sure what to make of his conversation with Jackson. Robert didn’t think he was even close to being the bloke’s favourite person, although he hadn't been the easiest person to read. What he’d said about Aaron though…he had to be wrong. Aaron didn’t want him back. He’d chosen Alex, and Robert didn’t blame him after everything that had happened between them.

 

Jackson was wrong. Besides, Aaron had changed a lot since he’d known him — Robert had spent enough time teasing Aaron about some of the stories he’d heard about the once unruly, chavvy teen — so what did he know, anyway? If he took a ghost’s advice based on the fact that they hung around well past their welcome, then he might as well start asking Shadrach for his opinion next.

 

“Rob,” Vic pressed. “Do you want to talk?”

 

“No, it’s fine,” he told her, shaking his head.

 

“I’m your sister,” she said. “No matter what it is, you can talk to me.” She looked so earnest, and it occurred to him how much she looked like mum. His lips twitched up at that.

 

“Vic?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

 

Vic’s eyebrows shot up. “Okay, _now_ I’m worried. You’re not dying are you?” 

 

Robert rolled his eyes. “I know you’d probably be glad to get me out of your house, but I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

 

“Nah,” Vic said, “it’s nice to have the company.” Her eyes dimmed slightly, and Robert knew she was probably thinking of a time when the house had been a little more full. God, there were days when he really hated Adam.

 

“But seriously Rob. If you ever need to talk, I’m here.”

 

“Yeah,” he said, smiling at her. He thought about everything that had happened lately, and decided that, as brilliant as his little sister was, there were quite a few things he wouldn’t be telling her anytime soon.

 

…

 

“Hey there, stranger.”

 

Robert glanced up, and smiled when he saw his mum. “I could say the same to you,” he said, after a quick glance at the surrounding street confirmed that there was no-one else around. “I haven’t seen you all day.”

 

“Thought I’d visit Andy for a bit,” Sarah said. “I saw Katie. She said she’d paid you a visit.” She gave him a concerned look.

 

“Yeah. It was…enlightening.” 

 

“But you’re okay?” Sarah pressed.

 

“It brought up some memories. Nothing I can’t handle though.”

 

Sarah didn’t look convinced, but she could probably see that he didn’t want to talk about it, so she stopped pressing. She knew him well, and it was times like this when Robert would contemplate what his life would’ve been like had Sarah lived.

 

“I saw Aaron today,” he told her, as they walked down the street. “I think things are getting better between us…it’s not as awkward as it was. Maybe we can be proper friends soon.”

 

“Friends,” Sarah repeated, raising an eyebrow. “And you’re okay with that?”

 

Robert shrugged. “I have to be, don’t I?” 

 

Sarah sighed. “I just want you to be happy.”

 

“I will be,” Robert said. “Just…give me time.” Honestly, he couldn’t imagine himself ever being _happy_ with the current situation, but he didn’t feel like telling his mum that. Though, from the expression on her face, it was obvious that she wasn’t convinced.

 

Robert was saved from having to say anything further when he realised he wasn’t alone anymore — Kerry and Bernice turned the corner, and both shot him strange looks, obviously having heard the last part of his (to their eyes) one-sided conversation.

 

Oh God, considering how much these two gossiped, this could not end well.

 

“We should probably stop talking in broad daylight,” Sarah said, shooting Robert an apologetic glance.

 

Well, if the village ended up thinking that he had a few screws loose, at least it’d be worth it for this.

 

…

 

The first time Robert saw his father again, it was after the Whites had died. By this point, he’d long stopped expecting a visit from his dear old dad. There’d been no sign of Jack since this had all begun, and Sarah hadn’t even attempted to bring him up. Robert was relieved — he’d spent years dealing with the aftermath of his Jack’s treatment of him, compromising his happiness — his life with _Aaron —_ to be the son that Jack Sugden would've wanted.

 

He definitely did _not_ want to see him again.

 

(He ignored the glimmer of disappointment he felt that, once again, his dad was showing him exactly how he felt about him. He was sure that if it was Andy seeing ghosts, Jack would’ve been over here in a heartbeat).

 

He’d spent the past few days with his son, trying to focus all of his attention on him, and assuage the guilt he felt for his part in the crash. It was hard to believe that Chrissie and Lawrence were dead. And Rebecca, she could still die. He’d had a rough couple of years with them, but they had been family at one point. He’d loved Chrissie once. 

 

(He’d spent the past few nights nervously awaiting a visit from his ex-wife, expecting enraged screams about how he’d killed them all).

 

He put Seb to bed and walked downstairs, calling for Vic.

 

He heard his voice first. Even after all these years, Robert still remembered how Jack had sounded. “She said she was going to check on Rebecca, remember? She should be back soon.”

 

Robert whipped around, his eyes wide. Jack stood behind him, watching him with an expression that Robert couldn’t decipher.

 

“Dad,” he said, and didn’t realise that he’d actually sounded scared until Jack’s expression faltered. 

 

Jack quickly schooled himself and nodded. “Robert. How are you?” 

 

Oh no. God no. He was _not_ dealing with this now. He looked around frantically, hoping to see his mum, but the house was empty.

 

“If you’re looking for Sarah, I asked for some privacy,” Jack said. There was a slight waver to his voice, and Robert realised that he was nervous. God, what a joke. _He_ was nervous. “There are some things we need to talk about.”

 

Robert shook his head. “Not really. Look — I don’t really have time for this. Seb’s sleeping upstairs, and I need to prepare his bottle so…can we do this later?” He’d rather never do this, but somehow it didn’t feel right saying that to his dad, no matter how he felt about him. Hopefully he’d be able to find his mum after after this, and Sarah could pass on the message.

 

“I really want to do this now,” Jack said, his voice firm. “I…I’ve been dead for a few years now. I guess it’s been an eye-opener. There’s a lot of things you don’t realise until all you can do is sit back and watch.” 

 

Robert eyed him warily, unsure of where this is going.

 

“I tried staying away at first. Sarah told me that you could see her, but I knew you wouldn’t want to see me. I heard what you said at the cemetery.”

 

“I meant it,” Robert said. 

 

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes Robert. What I did to you, when you were a teenager. When I found you with that farmhand — ”

 

“Don’t,” Robert said quickly. He didn’t want to talk about this.

 

“No, please,” Jack said, sounding almost desperate. Robert closed his mouth, and stared at his dad in surprise. “Robert…I shouldn’t have done that. I knew I hadn’t handled the situation well, even back then, but I just couldn’t find a way to bring it up after that. Call me a coward if you want.”

 

Robert snorted. “The situation,” he repeated. “That _situation_ was you hating who I was.”

 

Jack shook his head. “No.”

 

 _“Yes._ Dad, you leathered me because you couldn’t handle the thought of me liking blokes.”

 

“I did. And I’ve regretted it. I’ve watched you for a long time Robert, and I’ve seen what my actions have done to you. How much I’ve hurt you…and how much you’ve changed. How happy you were with Aaron…I’d never really seen you like that before — “

 

“I don’t need you to talk about Aaron, thanks,” Robert snapped.

 

“I’m sorry son,” Jack said quietly. “I was wrong. I wish I had the chance to tell you that before I died.”

 

Robert swallowed. No, he didn’t get to say this, not now. Not when Robert had spent years hating who he was, when things could have been so different if he’d had the support of his family back then — if, instead of hurting him, his dad had told him he still loved him, that everything would be okay.

 

What good was any of this now, when he’d already made a mess of his life, and had tried his best to bury any thoughts of his father.

 

“I’ll leave now,” Jack said. “I just needed to tell you that. Robert…I’m proud of you, son. And I love you.”

 

When Robert glanced up again, Jack was gone. Robert felt his eyes sting and he closed them. 

 

 _‘It’s not fair,’_ he thought. _‘Why couldn’t you have told me this before?’_

 


End file.
